How does a parent address masturbation issues with a 15-year old daughter?

I was recently in my daughter's room picking up laundry from the bed when I discovered a ';toy'; hidden within the sheets in her unmade bed. My first reaction was embarassment and shame. I was born in a different country and some would say my views on sex are a bit old-fashioned. I personally never had a need for one of these toys but I am aghast that my teenage daughter would even think to have one of these items. I asked her about it and if she's engaged in sexual activity and she said no. She received it as a gag gift from an older female classmate. What am I supposed to make of this? Am I supposed to get upset with her or discipline her for something that some would call normal teenage behavior? I'm afraid that her using something like this may encourage her to have sex. She is a wonderful girl, but in so many ways she is so naive and has that rebellious/superior teeange mentality. We don't get along and I don't know what I'm supposed to say to her or how.How does a parent address masturbation issues with a 15-year old daughter?
Since society doesn't usually openly discuss masterbation, especially among females, she was probably embarressed to admit she was experimenting. This is normal and she shouldn't be punished or disciplined for it. In fact, girls who are made to feel ashamed about their bodies and feeling may have sexual dysfunction later.





If you don't really get along, she probably won't admit if she's had sex or is thinking about it. But masterbation does not necessarily mean she is more likely to engage in sexual activity with a partner.





The key to protecting your daughter is for her to feel comfortable coming to you with questions. Work on your relationship to improve communication. Of course, don't give-up your values/morals, but try to set aside your own ';old-fashioned'; views on sex, so she knows she can talk to you without judgment. Rather than ask her questions like ';have you done this or that'; (feels like an interrogation), tell her that you love her and want to protect her from being hurt by sexual activity at too young an age. Be open and honest and try not to judge her, but help her get through these tough years.





Good luck!How does a parent address masturbation issues with a 15-year old daughter?
You're welcome. Our relationship wasn't perfect in my teens - we squabbled like most mother-daughters. But I really think I have my mom to thank for this answer.

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Let her be. It is normal. This is a way for her to experiment with herself. Her engaging in the behaviour may prevent her from engaging in any other sexual behaviours. I wouldn't suggest punishing her or disciplining her.
Masturbation is natural. My mother caught me masturbating at her age... she made a HUGE deal of it. I can tell you from experience that if you make a big deal out of it, it could make her ashamed of her sexuality for the long haul. I'm 30 now... and I still have problems from my mom making such a big thing about it.





With three girls of my own now, I will likely turn the other cheek if/when I catch my girls.
If you throw the toy away and make a big deal about it with the other girl's parents, you are going to send the message that masturbation and sex are bad. That is not a message you should give to your daughter. You should talk to her about the risks of sex and available protection, but having a sex toy doesn't mean she is having sex. In fact, it probably means she isn't and is using the toy for satisfaction. Even infants touch themselves to feel good. There isn't anything bad or dirty about it and exploring herself now will make sex more enjoyable when she grows older. Don't make a big deal about this toy.
The toy doesn't necessarily mean she is having sex. If anything, it might make her feel that she doesn't need to have sex yet because she can get the satisfaction on her own. I'd let it go if I were you.
Let her enjoy this toy. By using it it keep herself satisfied she will not be as horny for the boys. Don't worry about it.She will learn to use her fingers to reach orgasm also.
Shes exploring! all girls are gonna do that. i dont think you should talk to her about it, but since u already have, just drop the subject. its probably really embarrising for her, and its a unneeded convo. there is nothing wrong with what she's doing. sorry if i sound mean i dont mean to at all.
Okay. I know this is probably an uncomfortable subject for you. So far, you're doing good coming here instead of automatically getting on the defensive with her. If you think you can, talk more with your daughter about it. While she *is* young, it is not abnormal for her to have sexual desires and want to do something about them. It's better that she is taking care of this herself instead of having a sexual relationship at such a young age. So it's really not a bad thing for her to have/use this ';toy,'; it could even make her put off sex longer than she would have without it. She doesn't have to have a boy to release these desires with. Just try and make sure she is cleaning and caring for the toy properly with soap and water and drying it afterwards. Not cleaning it can lead to infection because bacteria can grow on it. If it's easier for you than talking to her face to face, write it out. That way you can get everything down in a clear concise manner and she can take her time reading it. Encourage her to find someone she is comfortable with to talk to about general woman's health and how to take good care of her body. Maybe it won't be you, but at least she will have someone.
Don't even bring it up. That's her privacy and she has a right to it, especially at 15. You can have a regular discussion about sex (ie does she have the right information and ready to make such decisions) but what she is doing in private, with her own body that is causing no harm you have no right bringing up. If you are uncomfortable then maybe it's time to stop ';cleaning up'; her room (when i was a teenager the only time my mother cleaned up my room was to snoop) and let her do it herself. If you are worried that she won't have clean clothes to wear then it would be a great lesson in personal responsibilty and growing up.
I think Beni really hit the nail on the head with this one...
i don't think she is using it, she is prob too scared to if she hasn't had sex, i do think she is telling the truth, keep hold of it, if she wants to be curios then let her do it on her own, you don't really need a pep talk about masturbation, maybe buy her a book and let her read it, jusat warn her about sex, keep open with her and when she hits 17 buy her condoms and say if she needs any t ask you, then you will know she is doing it safelty
First ask her if she knows what the ';toy'; is really used for. Assume she is telling the truth but just in case explain to her that masterbation isnt a bad thing as long as it is done occasionally in private. But she should not have toys as such a young girl. She should wait until she is 18 to buy them if she wants them. Take the toy and THROW IT OUT. Tell her you want the NAME of the older girl and I would call that girls parents and tell them exaxtly what the girl gave your daughter.

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